Family Communication Model

A Few years back I was asked to do a seminar on the importance of family communication to peoples whose families have struggled in the past to do so effectively.  In doing so I came up with a small model which shows how important it is and how the family itself can dissimulate over time because of lack of communication. This model which came to me is a perfect illustration of how both groups and families can fall apart because a rift in communication. We all know the importance of family and how it is the building block of society a beautiful saying I once heard was "It is hard to find an un-cracked egg in a broken nest."  which I thinks exemplifies it as well as anything I have ever heard. 

In this model it illustrates the steps in which these rifts occur over time and because of hardship there are 3 phases in this model. 

Phase 1

Phase one is family/group cohesion which is what each of us should strive for.  As you see in the diagram we have six individuals in this group signified by the red circles/jewels.  Each is a little different from the other but it is evident that they are each sparks hammered from the same anvil.  Each are connected by lines which one could imagine as strings connecting and supporting the group as a whole, these strings are symbolic of communication between each individuals in the group or family.  You can see that each is supported and gains strength from the others making it look almost like a beautifully cut diamond.  

Phase 2

In Phase two we see a diagram in which one of the sets of individuals has ceased to communicate for whatever reason whether it be a disagreement or simply that they don't get along with the other family member.  Imagine that one of the lines or threads talked about earlier has been cut and then because these two points or no longer anchored to each other and therefore they have been pulled apart and the only thing keeping them together is the other points attacked to them.  In this as threw science we see more stress is placed on the individuals not involved because they become mediums in the family for the two that or having the disagreement.  Because of how groups/families are we see that now inside the family there are two groups because naturally some or closer too the other individuals than the other so that the even if they haven't taken sides in the argument it is the same as if they had.   

In Phase three we see that everyone that was once in the group is now on there own signified by the difference in colors.  This happens over a long period of time being in phase two because the stress which is placed on the other individuals in the group they decide that it isn't worth the hassle. This age tends to take place in older individuals who have there own children and grandchildren as well because the amount of relationships in there life has become so great in prioritizing they no longer have the time or energy for the original group/family unit.  Because of the one relationship going sour it becomes inevitable  that phase three is reached.  I have had people ask me when I was teaching this concept if after phase three if they can ever make it back to phase one and my answer is most generally "no".  This is because once phase three is reached there is no communication between the different individuals and nothing would ever bring it back to the terms it would have been in the first because the communication just is not there.

In short and after reviewing this model I would say make sure if you are the individuals who is in the disagreement it is your responsibility to make it right and at least come back to agreeable terms with the individuals.  For as you have seen if you don't you will be punishing the other members in your group whether it be your family or a group of friends this group will dissipate and you will be the one to blame for it. 

Symbolic Interactionalism

Symbolic Interactionalism is a sociological term coined by and popularized by George Mead and Charles Cooley.  I have mentioned it in other blogs of mine it basically says that people speak, act, and interact with each other  through symbols and through interpreting these symbols one can know their inner most desires and thoughts.  To give some examples the clothes one chooses to wear is a symbol of how they want to be perceived by others.  When one starts to view the actions of individuals as symbols of how they want to be perceived and who they are at very deep level without actually knowing the individual well.
This then opens the door for arch symbols which are symbols which envelop many different meanings which are similar but have commonality.  To give a simple example of these you could read my Blogs entitles Pardon the Flame and Bottling Lightning which show how many deep meanings can be connected to seemingly small symbols. To better illustrate this concept one can look at the  "Apologize" music video from One Republic; It is great because it tells a whole story just using symbols. So if you read what these symbols can mean and then watch the music video you can understand the story which all the symbolism tell.  I will list a few of the symbols and their meanings and if you see what they do and how they interact in both placement and what happens to them you can understand the whole story.
Flower: Is often used as a symbol of love.
Water: Purity, innocence.
Doves: peace and freedom
Phone: Communication
Mask: Lies Deception
Heartshaped box: Right side up it is a heart waiting to recieve love: On its side it is an empty heart.
Vase: in the music video shows the relationship of the individuals because a vase holds flowers
One Upside Down Flower Falling into the vase: One of the individuals in the relationship didn't enter the relationship with the right intentions.
Wedding Ring also Wedding Figuring: Marriage.
Candles: Life cycle, (in this case the life of the relationship)
Glass Slipper: Fairy Tail ending.
Flower Blooming: allure, sex (the flowers depicted are not in the vase hint hint)
Mirror: Reflection (I would hope anyone who read my blog would know most of these)
Ink: the ink itself is black which is often dirtying or marking something in some way that cannot be undone.
pocket watch: time
Fire: destruction and cleansing
The rest of the symbolism come with how they interact with each others.

So after having watch it you should have been able to see a story of two people in a relationship in which one wasn't as committed as the other  and ended up cheating on them.  then the couple tries to get back together because they are still in love and then the person who was cheated on cant forget whats happened so this time the relationship break up because of them.
I hope you enjoyed my little teaching sections and I hope it helped you learn about how symbolic interactionalism works, though most symbols of what people do are implied by thinking logically it is a great example.

Meant For More

In our beginning we come to this world with limitless potential, as we grow and learn it is the world itself that binds our potential and hold us back.  I feel this everyday in my life, how bogged down do we become because of the rigorous menial task we ourselves undertake each and every day.  Not to be a broken record but we live in a time like no other with more time to spend doing something other than as in old times living life from meal to meal, yet what do we do with our time, how do we spend our time which others in other times so treasured? We are caught in a world full of puzzles which we have created for ourselves.  Our government has become so bureaucratic in nature that it does not function the way it was intended, Our society spends millions upon millions of dollars and hours just creating ways to use the excess time technologies have given it. I am a huge supporter of arts and all of the things man has created because It is this ability to create that is the spark of divinity in all of us, but were't we meant for more? What more could have we accomplished as an society and as individuals if we didn't have all these distractions many of which are simply products of someone else's greatness, and from suckling on it many times all we do is squelch our own. How much more meaning would each of our lives have if we had the drive and desire to share our own dreams in reality to others.  These times in which people had time to sit back and think historically gave rise to some of the most revolutionary times like for instance the Renascence.  How long has it been since a major discovery was made that would totally change how life was lived and experience I would dare wager not since the internet and the computer have we had but that has been a very long time when one considers how much has changed since the revolution.
In many ways it seems the world has gotten to distracted on the distractions, the pursuit of money, entertainment,  the easy way of doing things that we have lost sense and the meaning of what it is to be alive, and to live.  We all stand on the shoulders of greatness and grow fat and lazy not wanting to get outside of that comfort zone the world has made to find something greater something deeper, something to give a meaning to our own collective and individual existence.  We are all kings, yet we take the privileges of it and none of the responsibilities of it.  Wake up, Arise and take up arms, We each were meant for so much more than what the illusions of the world have placed before us.  We are Kings and Queens it is time we try to live up to that greatness which is within each of us. As Atlas we hold the weight of our worlds on our backs it is no time to pretend our worlds are in the hands of any one else but our own.

   

Drawing From the Poisoned Well

At times in life one wonders, why do I knowingly do things that are no good for me? Maybe you have met people who only seem to do things which are no good for them, as if they were washing down their poisoned apple, with side of poisoned pills, and a vial of poison. Doing everything possible to make sure that they fail in this life, seemingly to become nothing more then the sign for poison a skull and crossbones.

Having studied psychology and having rolled it over many times in my mind (and having people who do the same in my life) I have come to see that people that do this aren't looking for death but someone to save them from it, or save them from themselves as it were.  Psychologically these individuals at a young age learned that getting attention was easiest when doing things that one is not suppose to. Over time they have become addicted to the attention of having someone try and talk sense into them, try parent them, and for affirmation.  While others have come accustomed to gaining praise and attention for the things they have accomplished which leads them to try to excel as an individual, they have found that attention is quicker and easier to gain by touching hot stoves.

Attention is like water it is essential for life, everyone needs it to survive.  Many psychical  and psychological conditions spread from the lack of attention  such as failure to thrive and other maladies.  When one garners attention from others there are two kinds of water in this sense that one can draw from, the fresh clean drinking water which is harder to obtain and is given for one good works and then there is the poisoned well water which is easy to obtain yet poisons those who drinks it.  For in life, one must do all the work themselves to draw fresh clean water from wells, while (for some reason) people are quick to give away the water from a poisoned well.  When an individual begins their life they taste both types of water and over time having been given more of the poisoned water they decide this is the type of water meant for me so I had better get used to the taste.

Over a longer period of time the individual begins to like their poisoned water and how others react towards their weakness having to to give them clean water because of their over-consumption of water from the poisoned well.  After a while they gain a tolerance of it like a snake handler with venom. While they still want more of the clean water and they have grown accustomed to not having to work for it. To this end they begin eating poisoned apples, popping poisoned pills, and drinking poison vials to more affect others in hopes of gaining their sympathy. They have drawn poisoned water from others wells so long that their own wells are poisoned.

If your having a hard time figuring out who these people are in your life, or if you are one yourself to set metaphor aside for a moment.  Those who are often thinking of suicide and don't know why are looking for clean water, hoping that someone will save them or even God will appear and save them giving their life significance. Maybe you are a person who is constantly shooting yourself in the foot so that someone can rush in and try to save the day.  Due to the obsession to this cycle they  create themselves into  the un-savable maiden. This is the reason why one of the most common tattoos found in this countries prison is "born to lose", it is not because the individuals were born to lose but because they have taught themselves to.  If one cannot figure out why they keep getting poison when looking for food, its not that the world itself is poisoned.  It is because you are drawing from a poisoned well.Of coarse this is not true in every case with individuals who can't seem to get a break in life, however one would be wise to make sure while gleaming water from others wells,make sure you don't poison your own.

In times of Autumn

Autumn has been my favorite season since I can remember, something about the entering of cold and leafs changing or maybe it's because autumn are the feelings that comfort me most.  The world begins to cool, the trees prepare to sleep, and the transition to winter begins.  If a year was a life autumn world be the time in which the world transitions from times of plenty to times of harshness, in a symbolic sense the entering cold and changing leaves in a sense tell us to get our ducks in a row and to prepare for times of winter.  The days begin to shorten and the suns reign over the earth loosens for the remainder of the year leaving man to wonder in more darkness than light. A tree one of nature most beautiful things must prepare for winter by shedding that which makes it beautiful leaving only the most solid and essential to ready for the sleep of winter.  We in turn as the tree when times get difficult must choose which beautiful yet non-essential things we will sacrifice to make it through the harshness of winter in our lives.  With all the colorful and interesting fluff we surround ourselves with in our lives I find it interesting what one man first sacrifices whilst another clings too, putting things in there own order when one must begin to tighten up their belt for sacrifice is needed.
We read many stories of in olden times villages would have individuals draw lots and whomever was unlucky enough they would be the thing sacrificed to appease the powers that be so the harvest would be bounteous and the needs of winter met (as in the music video).  Extreme and considered harsh as it was we in this day and age have troubles sacrificing things which are not needs yet things which are wanted, how then will we all make it through our own personal winters.
One must unless wanting to be caught off guard think of what things must first be taken to the alter of fate in hopes of having a big enough harvest to make it through a life, as the seasons with many winters. Choose now or have the hands of time as the seasons change choose for you, making the possibility of  anything in your life being left behind.  Would one sacrifice a husband for the betterment of a child's life, sacrifice a meal so that a stranger can eat, break the law so one can live knowing the wrath of the establishment will be upon them, Put others through emotional turmoil to preserve their own emotional stability etc... All that has been said sounds "so cold" but life itself was never meant to be lived only in the heat. Life cannot always be "times of plenty"  as the seasons change so will our lives.  Emotions will flow, time will decay, seasons will change, and there will always be times of Autumn.

Deceiving Deception

Deception the act of deceiving someone from seeing or knowing something.  Everyone knows people who have problems with trying to mislead others so that they will be perceived different than in all actuality they are.   Whether it is the girl from grade school who tells everyone that her boy friend is the teenage heart throb  from TV, or it's someone trying to hide what they have done from others, the result are generally the same.  More often then not people start to realize the one plus one of what there saying isn't equaling two and the person is then met by more skepticism by their peers, and even themselves.  These are are few of the more known side effects of telling fibs this is however just a part of the picture.
Perhaps you have met pathological liars, people who cannot tell the truth and don't even know they are lying.  The science behind this phenomena is that when a person tells lies the begin feeding the creative side of their brains, and like we have mentioned before on this blog when a action is performed over and over in the mind it starts to become a habit, or in the case of trying to remember your lies it becomes more and more ingrained in your mind so that the individual actually forgets what actually happens in the situation and then begins to actually believe in the lie.  This begins breaking the individuals hold on reality so mush so that everything that happens in the individuals life begins to become much bigger to the individual, they begin making mountains out of molehills not fully grasping reality in their lives.  They begin to believe their own lies, about themselves, and begin selectively viewing their world to see what they want to see instead of what they actually see.  Over long periods of time this begins to tax on and tax on the mind so that the mind forgets reality itself and begins to believe even the random thoughts the individual has.  For instance if the individual looks at scenery and things wouldn't it be scary it there were faces of people everywhere who were out to get me the mind itself begins to believe it and this quickly begins to snowball into irrational fear, and the mind will play along even to the point of seeing the very thing the individual thought of in the first place. As in the photo above where you can see faces everywhere watching you staring at you because you have trained your mind to pick our the distinct patterns of faces and what makes them up, In much the same way people can train themselves to not see things, to believe things, and perceive things are there that are in fact not. This is why we have so many needing to be institutionalized and treated for these types of things.  
It is a chilling thought that the more and more you think of something the more likely you are to actually experience that very thing you are thinking of. Personality splits, hallucinations, etc. are all byproducts of people getting tangled in their own webs of deception.  The mind has door ways that if people push against them for too long they will open and one will never be able to shut them again.  If one keeps hiding portions of themselves and their actions from others they will in fact begin to lose themselves underneath, and the more one loses themselves to the darkness the less "real" life itself it becomes as if one were living in a dream.  The problem with deceiving oneself that they are living in a dream where anything can happen is, that if one lives in dreams, some dreams are nightmares . 

Bottling Lightning

"It is easier for a man to move a mountain with a shovel, than to change someone who doesn't want to change."
If you are trying to find a way to stay motivated to make a change in your life, or to pursue a dream one must first find a reason to do so and use  that to power their effort. This is a very hard and difficult task, which is why so many people fail to change their lives and accomplish their goals. Many people think that sense of purpose and motivation is going to fall out of the sky and striking them as lightning and charge them up and next thing they know they have accomplished Their goals.  In truth however that motivation is about as likely to come from the heavens (without work on a persons part) as they are likely to be struck by lightning.
Due to this fact one must then be able to bottle their own lightning and be able to draw upon it to give them the jolt or shock needed to do what they need done. Lightning, which is one of the most powerful occurrences in nature, is not easy to come by from within. This is why in mythology the mighty Zeus was said to throw lightning at his enemies which shows this power as God-like in nature.  Even though there is energy and electrical currents running through  our bodies at any given time, one cannot simply harness that power they must find it another way.  This is done through introspection and finding what forms of energy have given you that shock before.  Once you have found it one must find the reason why, or what was so appealing about it that gave them motivation in the first place.  Be forewarned, this is not something that is simply done and one must put much thought and contemplation into it.  Most people use others as their form of motivation saying things like' "Ill do it for my mom, or for my children", this however is a fickle motivator. For what happens if you have an argument with your motivational loved one? In that moment you will lose all motivation derived from them.
The Greatest motivations are ones that come from within oneself.  Often religious or deep in nature they are ones that can never be taken away and that reach the individual so deeply that they cannot or will not turn away from there responsibilities.   In a sense as bottling lighting would be in the natural world is extremely difficult, such is the same with with finding these motivators.  Everyone in the world has motivations for whatever they do, however there is a big difference in motivation which turns out to be just a little static and another with is flung lightning bolts harnessed and placed in a bottle for a rainy day.

The Perfect Parasite

That which helps us skew or change our perception of life, bends not only perception itself but bends the very core of the individual who has the perception.  In this day and age it seems that everyone needs/wants to break away from the reality of this world which is their lives and live in a place where action and reaction are buffered.  The drug addict seeks to see the world outside of their norm so that the reality of there lives carries less weight on their conscientious mind. In so doing a rift in their fabric is created and the more it is fed the hungrier it becomes.  For as in nature, rips and tares happen in places in which there has already been damage or wounds, taking the path of least resistance.  The drug or addiction becomes symbiotic with these damaged portions of the individual. The individual begins thinking that by feeding this desire the emptiness within them with these perception skewers their holes will be mended.  The more they are fed the more they like a parasite gain strength while weakening and opening the holes wider. In a sense the more that is given to them the more that which made the individual the individual begins to die.  In "The Perfect Drug" by NIN he compares drugs and addiction to love, and destructive relationships (which happen in both cases).  The Parallels between both or astounding and it helps you realize the properties of both.  This song (other than finishing the string of music videos which have industrial time period themes you'll see if you go back through them) shows this symbiotic relationship through it's music and lyrics, and how one can becomes consumed by it.
The more ones wounds grow the more powerless and weak the individual begins to come to their cravings and the more likely they are to do rash things and to not be able to return from the place their minds and souls have been taken.  The individual (whether knowingly or not) is treating their own inadequacies with fuel to the fire instead of adding water.  This symbiotic relationship ends when as all of these types of relationships do, one stops feeding the other.  The less the parasite/addiction is fed the less of a hold it has on the individual until one day it dries up and falls dead to the ground leaving the huge holes it has made. This hole left behind must always be filled by something.  It is so important for an individual to recognize  their emptiness and try to find what causes it so they are not letting parasites into their lives, this is true for lovers and drugs.  For (as in the song) the more one gives up themselves to someone or something the more they die as an individual.  The more of themselves they give up the more they lose themselves and track of the problems which originally fed the parasite in the first place. 

Chained Up or Chained Down

We run through life and bump into others who at times we decide to chain to ourselves, and time only tells whether we have chained ourselves to an anvil which pulls us to the bottom of the ocean, or to a balloon which lifts us into the sky.  Life's relationships, our friends,and associates our not only enrich or add value to our lives, but become a defining factor in our lives.  I once read a study in which they said that 80 % of relationships which are formed never change the base principles on which they are formed.  This means that if you met  a friend drinking in a pub one night, your relationship will more than likely be grounded on drinking and that will be a big portion of what is done in your relationship. Friends, spouses, lovers, family, and each of our relationships are based off of something and it is "that" something which comes to define our relationship. This is why when you go back to say a high school reunion or meet on old friend you will find yourself reverting to thinking and acting around your old classmates/friends the same ways you did back when you knew them.  This as in many other things in life is a double edge sword.
Each of us I am sure have friends or loved ones who have relationships with partners that we just don't understand appeal "why would they would ever stay together with them?"  These friends/loved ones make excuses for seemingly inexcusable behavior in their partners.  These people (as being chained to a anvil) will do nothing but pull the person whom they are chained to down, and for whatever reason they can't see it or over look it.  If we each think logically about our relationships with others we can tell which ones are duds and which pull us down.  Often times individuals will know they are in a bad situation and instead of chewing their paw off to get out of the trap it is caught in, they try to incorporate their lives around it.
One should think of each relationship that they form as the beginning of the journey, and be mindful of how the person they have chained themselves to will affect that journey.  Smashing Pumpkins music video "Tonight Tonight" is a great depiction of this.  In the beginning we see a freshly married couple heading in a journey in a Zeppelin to the Moon.  The music video is great because it illustrates how much help having a positive individual chained to you can be, and all the turbulent and green alien filled times they can help you through.  Would the person your chained too be one which as in the video you could count on the help you break through the rope tied around you both.  In the study which I mentioned before they also talked of how couples which are based off of drug use seemingly never, and I mean never are able to have both partners get off and stay off of drugs.  It takes a lot to break that rope especially as a couple because you both must be exerting yourselves, and in these relationships on often gives up and stops trying which leads the other to either cut off the relationship with the other or remain bond with their partner in addiction.
In short every relationship is in a Zeppelin headed somewhere when it is started, one would be wise to think logically where it is headed, and where that is a place they want to go.

Those Who Walk the Gray

In life there are those who like to paint the world in white and black, simply there are those who are good and those who are evil.  This is all fine and dandy in an ideal world, however in the actual world we now live in this cannot be the case.  For as any painter will tell you white must take on many tints of grey before it can reach black, which is also the case in those going from black to white.  This means in this world there must be men who walk in the grey as it were.    It also implies that in order for there to be men who have lived chaste lives there must be others on the periphery shielding those from the darkness.  In a world with war and crime, and so many evil acts there must be those who deal with it and in so doing sully their hands in its soot so that others can be soot free.  The man who must commit murder to protect his family, the cop who must witness evil to catch those who perpetrate it, there must be those who reach forth their hands and pull those back from the darkness sullying there own hands, etc.
Many of those who have been fortunate to live "chaste" lives, and can paint there world in black and white will see those who walk the grey and scoff in altruism ways forgetting or even not knowing the soot which covers some was sprinkled on them so that they themselves didn't have to be.  Ironically it is the very fact that they walk the grey that attracts those of the dark to them, giving them influence over some who might be considered lost, dragging them back into the white.  The white see the soot and say don't go near him he's dirty, while the dark say hey maybe he isn't so bad he has soot on him as well.  So one who walks the grey will have influence for good where others will not.  This however is a double edge sword in that when you are on the periphery you are constantly in a state of battle and as we know this battle claims many a soul.

How One Angles Their Prism

 As a prism, we cannot choose what kind of light the sun shines at us, but we can choose how much of that to consume or let become a rainbow on the wall for others to enjoy.  I often have wondered "why a rainbow" it is simply compressing and projecting that which is already there, therein lies the beauty of the prism.  Beauty is found in things that are already all around us, whether we care to look for it or not. When one simply focuses on all that is wrong in their lives or all the darkness that surrounds them it is the same as a prism which never let the light out of it. There is only so much darkening it (or we)can handle before it explodes in the heat it contains. Life is as the light which exudes from the sun and comes at you from every angle imaginable. It will hit you and affect you differently depending upon what angle you are standing at.  For instance, if one stands with their heads facing the sun they get the full brunt of it yet they know its brightness. While if they stand with their backs towards the sun they may find some solace  that the sun is isn't directly in there eyes, but that doesn't keep them  from scorching their backside (pun intended).
As light shines through the prism it becomes magnified, just as when our lives and happenings around us are soaked into our minds we choose what part of that light to magnify and blow up out of proportion, sometimes that is something good for us while other times that is something bad.  Often times the light which bounces out of us is the opposite of the light which we ourselves consume.  Some people choose to consume all the light and happy colors while bouncing out their darkness, yet others choose to strewn the happy bright colors on the wall while their souls are filled with their darkness.
For a healthy mind and soul, one should as  the prism which hangs from the window show others/ allow others to see the full spectrum of the light which life gives them. For if one only cares to shine light on the wall they will surely miss it when the wall shines the rainbow back to their prism.

Advice I Wish I Could Have Given

After much reflection and much thought on the happenings of the last few days I have decided that there are times when words cannot express, nor can one comprehend the ramifications of being a human being in this world. For at time it seems its only purpose to be to break and decay everything that enters it. This life is often times filled with times where all you can do is bite down on your lip and just bare it until the pain passes then try and move on with your life. At times I find myself asking why live in a world that is so hard? why not just give up? I have had friends and loved ones (one quite recently) that have done just that, but after you claw yourself through those hard times you begin to know that times of evil are followed with times of good and times of darkness are followed by the dawning of light. If you make it through those times of weakness you become the strongest you have ever been in your life, a strength which even you yourself cannot deny.  In those dark times however long they may last hold onto yourself, and know that people love you and are willing to help you or provide a little solace in times when the storm rages around you.  For each of us were babies once held tight to the mother that adores us, and no mothers love deserves to be answered with our empty bed, no friend who once made us laugh and who we shared some of our happiest times with deserves to not have us there when they call our house, and most importantly of all we deserve to see what our own lives have in store, witness our own strength, see our next sunrise, and be ourselves until our sun naturally sets.   For you see the beauty in life is not found in the lightest nor darkest of times which are fleeting times that one cannot truly appreciate without the other, no the beauty in life is knowing you are yourself  and that you can enjoy one and survive the other.
I think the song "Be yourself" by Audio-slave lyrically and melodically embodies this idea perfectly

Someone falls to pieces sleeping all alone
Someone kills the pain
Spinning in the silence
She finally drifts away
Someone gets excited in a chapel yard
Catches a bouquet
Another lays a dozen
White roses on a grave

And to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

Someone finds salvation in everyone
Another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love until the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united
Healthy or insane
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/audioslave/be+yourself_10017570.html ]
And to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

Even when you've paid enough
Been pulled apart or been held up
With every single memory of
The good or bad, faces of luck
Don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose

But to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can
Be yourself is all that you can
Be yourself is all that you can do

We search for we, I search for me

As in every story we start our lives young and full of wonder dreaming of adult hood and where our lives will take us.  When we begin to get a little bit older we start to worry more about finding our niche, our place in the suddenly confusing world. Having been taught from a young age that every person is special, and having read all the fairy tales we are sure greatness is in store for us and that the sky is the limit for us and our potential.  This wonderment then turns into a kind of quest for each and every one of us to find that greatness, to search out our own fairy tale and where it will take us.  This quest for ourselves (or a better version of ourselves) can fill our lives and before we know it we are adults and while we feel we should have found that version of ourselves it remains elusive. 

 Much like in the Used music video for “All that I got,” we find ourselves looking for "the ending"and : the happily ever after" we have read so much about not realizing that we may be in a totally different kind of book and that our story may not be of one who achieves it.  Like in the video we become the boy who is searching for how the book ends and this elusive character who seems to have all the answers to his questions. Like we do in life, we want to know all the good parts of our book without enduring the parts which lead up to it.  In the end of the video we find that this man who had the answers to all the boy's questions was just an older version of himself looking for the same thing. So he in turn became the very thing he was searching for, and as has been said so many times before be careful what you wish for.    All along (as in life) the answer to the boys question was in himself and he was the answer, such is life.

We are born into this world alone, and we leave this world the same way and while those closest to us will be most affected by our passing the world will by and large stay the same for all of those who remain.  If we spend too much of our time chasing white rabbits (or old men as in the music video) we ourselves will become these white rabbits (and old men) and we will have forgotten why we began our search in the first place.  This is why it is so important that we realize that it is important to be careful what you search for, and that we realize that life is about the journey not the destination.  That the answers do not matter unless we can achieve them ourselves, for we are born into this world the same as we leave this world with everything we need to achieve our dreams.  As in the music video we are the answers to our own questions and the author of our own lives.

The Cowled One

For a bit of a change-up and to explain my new picture in my theme for the blog I thought I would let everyone know what it means.  I had asked many people with more artistic prowess to help me do a Cowled Crow for my blog to tie the theme together, but after it appeared that no one was interested in doing one for me I decided to do it myself. Things I draw always end up being very cartooney and because I had to do it in the basic paint program on the computer it is even more so and for that I apologize, but one good thing comes from me drawing my own picture, and that is that I could incorporate many different symbolism which anyone who reads this blog knows I love. To start the picture is of coarse of a Crow wearing a cowl, which if you want more of the symbolism and  the reason why it was chosen as my moniker I would suggest reading my blog titled The Cowled Crow in a Nut-shell.  With that being said I as a crow am eclectic in the things I like and I like to collect shiny objects which I incorporated into the picture.  Continuing to focus on the Crow itself other than the cowl/cape you may have noticed the Shoes or gloves that is one of the few things that was not meant to have any significance other than the fact that it helps the ascetics of the overall image.  The next thing that should stand out is the Red Star which in-capsules the eye, the first point as I said earlier which ties into that is the fact that I as a crow am attracted to shiny objects that are interested to me while maybe not to others and I as a crow take them back to my nest and collect them the blog itself serves as the nest symbolically.  It also has to do with one of my favorite sayings that there are those who stare at the clouds in the daylight son and those who stare at the stars at night in the light of the moon.  From this short saying I have always considered myself one who gazes at stars symbolically because of my pessimist nature and because of all the things that night stands for.  It is red in color because red is often used to symbolize ones motivation.
   Stepping outside of the crow which is in the picture you may have noticed many seemingly random objects which surround the cowled crow.  The first of which we will spotlight is the Venus-fly trap looking things in the bottom left hand corner, which have a very Mario-brothers-esk vibe.  if you look closer you can see one is feeding on the cowled crow and as we know plants are alive so it ties together with life feeding life which has many parallels to time and the world always devouring those subject to it(there are a few other more personal reasons for the number and colors of each one).  Then in the top left had corner we have the circle within a circle within a circle, with a star in the middle.  If you know about fencing, this symbolizes area of mastery it is said the more efficient the swordsman's motion the more deadly they are and the smaller their circle is because the less motion that is needed to have the same effect.  We see the red star in the center again having to do with this being another of my motivations not swordsmanship of coarse but personal mastery of my own life.  You may have also noticed that when the this design is viewed as a whole it looks like a shield that has been distressed, this is because I feel with every experience and every hardship that is overcome the individual enduring them is stronger for it yet the scars will always remain.  On the right hand portion of the picture  there is alot different elements we will start with the smaller of these first.  There is a mortar and pestle which has been used by alchemists and all kinds of healers throughout history.  The Mortar and pestle is used to break down different elements so they can be used to heal or in a concoction, this has much to do with do with the process of deduction and my psychological roots in that we break things down into there components so that we can get a better picture of the whole.  On the same theme we see next to the mortar and pestle we see a vial of poison, which can be made by the mortar and pestle.  This has to do with these skills being a double edge sword in that they are one of my biggest strengths while they have also led me to depression and other maladies in my life.  The poison also has to do with the thoughts of death and how I feel a person as in times of old must think of there own impending death to truly appreciate there lives and to keep themselves honest with themselves and others.
Lastly we have the staff which has more symbolism then I care to go into, but we know that staffs have to do with those who wield magic, and magic I think is knowing something or being able to do something that others cannot which leads to mystery about the individual whose it is.  The staff is is topped with a crystal which is a geometric shape working in cohesion and complexity to make the beautiful whole which I feel is the same as people.  And crystals like people appear perfect until you get up close and you realize they like people are always flawed but beautiful none the less.(Purple has some symbolism to but for sake of space as other things I wont include it). The feather as often portray in different forms is symbolic of the freedom all mans ability to chose, however we see that this is tethered to the staff as we each are as free as our beliefs and morals will let us be.
Okay that was much longer than I intended it to be and the sad thing is I could have gone in deeper, I hope at least someone enjoys delving a little bit into my train of thought enough to read it. As always I enjoy writing it and I hope someday someone will enjoy reading it.

Speak No Evil, See No Evil, Hear No Evil

The Speak No Evil, See No Evil, Hear No Evil apes or the mystic monkeys as they have been called depict a very novel and ancient concept one that I have been fascinated with for a long time now.  They are often used to depict societies in which people turn a blind eye towards crime and general depravity which is tolerated by that society.  The original thought behind them was that a man without guile in his heart will never speak, hear, or see the evil that surrounds them.   This definition however can be a bit misleading because it is not talking about naivety.  Naivety can shield a person from the harshness of the world, and the reason for this is simple when you are looking for only the good in people you will be oblivious to their nefarious nature.    For instance when you see a man walking down the street there are two ways the man can be looked at and it is a person experience that determines how it is seen.  If the man were looking very closely at the houses as he walked by one could say well these houses are very nice and this is a nice neighborhood he is probably just marveling at how astatically pleasing it is, on the flip side one might have noticed that the man had a very slight build and have assumed that man must be looking for something to steal so he can pawn it off for some drugs.   Since for inquisitive people like me this is impossible, and the fact that monkeys are used to symbolize it which are some of the most inquisitive animals in the world, this leads me to believe the saying resembles the statement “Seek No Evil” in that it has more to do with intent and it gives you some good concepts to live by. 

Speak No Evil (Iwazaru, the monkey’s name in case you were wondering), , speaking is one of our only ways to communicate with the world and if you put the two together it means one should influence the world in a positive way, because everyone influences the world in some way. 

See No Evil (Mizaru) , eyes have to do with what a person “looks” for out of any situation, If your looking to find ways to better yourself and your situation at all times much of the negativity one can view or see is taken as cautionary instead of instructional. 

Hear No Evil (Kikazaru), Listening is the primary receptor for communication and as said earlier communication is how influence is made, in that respect it is talking about how a person is influenced by others and the world one should never let themselves to influenced into “Evil” .  The mind is an amazing thing and can filter out all information we are given and can predict possible outcomes to any given situation, most of lives problems could be avoided with simply thinking of things in terms of cause and effect.

The Troll Under Your Bridge

I'm sure most people know of the story of the "Billy Goat Gruff" and the Troll under the bridge. To refresh the minds of those who's it is not at the forefront it is the story of three goats who are told not to travel over a bridge.  They are told not to travel over the bridge because a hungry troll lives under the bridge and his next meal is those unfortunate enough to cross the bridge. It becomes a case of "the grass is greener on the other side of" in this case the bridge and the goats end up venturing a cross.  The story then follows the Troll as he stops the smallest goat and is going to eat him then the little goat tells of his older brother who is bigger and a better meal, which also happens when the second brother comes along as well.  Lastly the big Billy Goat Gruff comes along and he is too big for the troll to handle and knocks the troll off the bridge and into the river.  This is in all generality a "grass is always greener/ don't bite off more than you can chew" type of story when looked at and painted with a very simplistic brush. When broke down a little bit more and when looked at symbolically one can see many more parallels to everyday life.

Trolls in modern ages are no different than the ones in the fairy tales, I am sure that everyone has a troll in their neighborhood.  Whether its the guy who yells at the kids passing by for walking on his lawn, or the one who poisons the neighborhood cats because they keep crapping on his property.  The person in your neighborhood that just seems to want nothing to do with anyone else and always seems to hate everything under the sun.  It is easy to write these people off as just the neighborhood crazies, but in many ways we each could be considered trolls at different times in our lives.  Much like in the story we sit around waiting to hear the clippity clappity of little hoofs crossing our bridges so we can lash out and make our presence known to them.  Sure we may not be looking to eat a meal as the troll in the story, but our own versions of the troll take the more modern view of them as people who "Troll" discussion boards looking to illicit responses from others and give others a hard time.

We each have built bridges for others to cross over in our minds and we do so when we decide that if someone were ever to do such and such thing we would be angry.  For example I know (and have decided) that if I were ever to see someone vandalizing my house I would be forced to confront them and in all probability attack them.  For in our minds we draw lines in the sand and decide when and what situations we would be justified to act certain ways, to go crazy on someone, to chew someone out, to force our wills on others.  When thinking of this fact it is no wonder why there is so much conflict in this world, when everyone has there own set of rules which they live by.   How much better would the world be if there was less of these premeditated responses to situations? It can be agreed at times its a good thing while at other times it is not so much. It is in this way that we have made our bridges for other unsuspecting victims to accidentally stumble on to with us waiting so patiently to pounce.  Whether the situation is socially acceptable such as tackling a mugger or not like poisoning the neighbors cat, we each become a troll lying in wait under our own personal bridges. "Man can never be truly free when one day the troll under his bridge will be me, and mine he."

Innocence Once Lost

We live in a world where we are taught that innocence can only be lost and never be gained.  One is forced to ask themselves then what is innocence? Is it just the lack of guilt or something else entirely? In society an innocent man can be perceived as guilty even though he has never committed a crime and the end result is the same as if the person had committed the crime.  Innocence is often used to describe a child which is a truth in many senses because of a child’s naivety towards the world.  Or maybe this innocence has to do with a child’s lack of guile in how they view the world, and the adult becomes sullied by its own biases towards different facets of life.  Possibly it is because as we grow older we are touched by many soiled hands and lose the feeling which we had when we were young the hope, the beauty of how we perceived the world.  People tend to think that we can simply open doors in our minds and decide we don’t like what we see and go back and shut that door, which in reality once a door is opened in our minds it can never be shut.  In part it is this fact that doors once opened inside cannot be shut again that is attributed to the fact that very few adults in a sense are innocent, if you have any doubt about this fact go ask an addict of any kind and see how easy it is to shut their doors which were opened.  Once a neuropathway is formed it simply doesn’t disappear because we want it to as a matter of fact in the case of addiction as taught by the 12 step program an addict must stop doing whatever they were doing for as long as they did it before their mental desire for their addiction subsides.  These actions some genetic scientist believe are not only never forgotten but are encoded into our very DNA and passed on to our young much like being saved in a flashcard and handed to our children.  Such is the same with knowledge in a sense knowledge while it enlightens a person and better helps their understanding of the world it also damns that person.  Knowing this how then can one hope or even care to feel innocent or good in this world.

To answer this question one must understand that we are in our nature innocent, and that we always were innocent.  The reasons for our original “sin” as it were, were always innocent in nature.  Ones quest for knowledge or gaining of knowledge muddied their innocence, while another’s was sullied because of their looking for an escape from the harshness of the world, while the another was for someone to like them, etc… Every conceivable problem a person could have was originally gained through an innocent naïve action, and all subsequent actions stemmed from it.  So in short one can find solace in that our innocence and naivety is what led us to the problem in the first place, and that once a knowledge of the naivety is gained and we move on with our lives we can be as we always were “innocent”.  

The Mind Has Teeth

Since I have throughout my blog written much about monsters and other scary things I thought I would write about something that scares me. Throughout my life I have been scared of many things, but throughout my adult life it has been only one thing.  The song “One” illustrates this one thing very well,  It is being totally alone in the dark with nothing but my own mind for company.  This fear began to arise in High School there where a few times when I woke up in the morning and my mind was awake but my body was not, (or better put my conscientiousness was awake and alert while my body was still sleeping) I would tell myself to move but it wouldn’t this has happened to me many times in my life sense then and it is why I refuse to sleep on my stomach anymore because most of the times it has happened has been when I did.  It took many years to figure out what was happening that my brains serotonin levels (the chemical that keeps you asleep among other things) had worn off while the rest of my body had not.  Every time it has happened my mind has panicked; it even got so back when I was in college that I didn’t dare to go to sleep at night.  To better understand this fear I have dug deeper to find out more about what drives it.

The mind is meant to solve problems both ones you are aware of and ones you are not aware of.  As one tries to reflect inward on their live one would do well to remember when we voyage in the mind it has nothing to pull on but itself.  There were times in my life that being alone by myself was one of the things that frightened me most.  Without the stimulation that the outside world gives I would lie down and try to sleep only to find my mind grinding its teeth on itself, pointing out my flaws and shortcomings.  Feelings of angst towards the world and loathing myself there was, it felt as though my mind was sinking me deeper and deeper into an ocean and not allowing me to come up for air.    This ebbed in and out of my life for years until it got to its absolute worse.  I could feel my mind cracking under the pressure and gravity it had placed on itself and each crack kept pulling me more out of touch with myself and reality.  It was only when I felt as though I was totally shattered crying myself to sleep nearly every night that things started to change.  Through interaction with others and bouncing my own emotions off of others I slowly began building myself back up.   It was only though learning how to step outside of myself, and my own thought process that I was able to learn how to logically counter the thoughts and emotions which were at one time my bane.  In a sense I have learned to analyze my own analyzing, and pick apart my own picking apart of myself.

Now every time I watch the music video for the song “One” by Metallica I think about how terrible it can be to be left alone in your mind with only your own devices and the total and udder hell one must get through to feel normal again I shudder to think of it ever happening again.  

The Thing About Monsters

When your little you are told there are monsters through Books, TV, Movies, Religion, and even deep down you know they exist.  If you were a child like me convinced there are monsters you go and pick up a flashlight and check in all the usual places for them from under your bed to any cave like place you may find them and then you stop having scared yourself but still a little disappointed you never found one.  You’re sure that monsters are there and if you just look hard enough you will find them for something inside you tells you that man was meant to defeat monsters.  Unknowingly going through your life pointing your flashlight in all the wrong places, little do you know that those monsters which you’re sure exist but never find are where a person can't turn their flashlight.

As an adult you know all too well that monsters really do exist, and you wish you could find a better place to hide from them.  You know now that monsters do not dwell in any pit or under any bed they are where they always were in your head and in the heads of those around you.  You’re not sure when or where the monsters came from or how they got in there but that they are there, making you wish you still had to look for them.  True to your belief as a child these monsters need to be battled but unlike you thought when you were a child defeating them isn’t as simple as driving a stake through their hearts or having silver bullets.    Scarier still these monsters don’t only come out at night, and don’t look anything like you thought they would and you’re lucky if you can hide them underneath a bed or in a cave so that you can keep them away from those you love.

To paraphrase a Bible verse, “when I was a child I do as children do, now I am a man I do as men do. “ One can only hope to be able to keep the wolves from their doors and their children safe in their beds. As a child you were always told there were monsters and you took your flashlight to go take a look, as an adult now you hide your undefeated monsters under your bed, and lock your doors tight. 

Feeding Cookie Monster

Most people are all familiar with the Sesame Street character with a seemingly unnatural hunger for cookies,  Cookie Monster.  A Monster who spends all of his life's effort in search of the great to eat but nutritionally challenged cookie.  The purpose of eating is as we all know to get vitamins, minerals, and calories which our bodies require to function properly. Cookie Monster would however rather just eat cookies because of there sweetness and quickly gratifying flavor. It's no wonder cookie monster looks the way he does with all the empty calories he is eating, his twitchy eyes because of his sugar high, his round figure, his fur which hasn't been maintained, I am not sure what blue has to do with it other than the fact that it may be what motivates him to eat so many cookies. Maybe if in his pursuit of cookies he would stop to take a look in the mirror he might have realized how little he resembles everyone else, and realized what the cookies were doing to him then he might stop or slow down.
One may laugh at the Cookie Monster reference, but how often do we fill our lives and time with "empty calories".   There are many ways in which we feed our own personal cookie monsters, whether it is literally eating food which tastes good but is unhealthy or (even worse) filling our precious time with empty activities which are fun but do not help us further our situations or better the lives and those around us.  Hey many people could say that writing this blog is feeding cookie monster (though I hope it has a little more meaning than that).  It is okay to feed Cookie Monster and in fact healthy to do so every now and then, however the question becomes when is someone just feeding their Cookie Monster or being Cookie Monster themselves?  Which I feel is a good question to ask oneself from time to time.

Reflecting on Reflection

From the moment we are born into this world our minds begin categorizing and organizing (building neural pathways) for the information that our receptors (5 senses) receive. Our minds begin distinguishing patterns in our everyday lives so that a person can learn the appropriate responses to situation and begin to establish a baseline of what normal activity is.  This is accomplished through the baby/child reflecting and reflecting on situations and the more the situation is rolled over in the mind it becomes simpler and more compacted much like folding a piece of paper over and over again it begins taking up less surface area in our minds but carrying more mass.   Then as a person ages the brain has crystalized knowledge and has a base line enough to where it begins to not  need to organize the information in  similarities but in what makes each thing unique.  This is why when you stop to think of a person you know you don’t think of them in terms of what makes them like everyone else but in terms of what makes them different than the rest.  This is also why for the normal person we tend to remember our past in of coarse the best of times and the worst of times blotting all the days that fall into our baseline together.

A few of Webster’s Dictionary definitions for Reflection are as follows.

Reflection: : an instance of reflecting; especially : the return of light or sound waves from a surface: the production of an image by or as if by a mirror

a : the action of bending or folding back  b : a reflected part : for: something produced by reflecting: as

a : an image given back by a reflecting surface

b : an effect produced by an influence <the high crime rate is a reflection of our violent society

In many senses our minds are mirrors of what we have seen and what we are looking for in life.  In being such a person can reflect on anything in their lives, which is however a double edge sword.  As was stated before every time we think over a memory we gain not only a greater understanding of the information but we form more of an opinion of the situation and become more pulled into its mass.  For instance if a person were to think of a lost loved one or someone who had wronged them they are more and more pulled into the emotion of whatever the situation they spend time thinking of in their minds.  This can also be thought of as using two mirrors to reflect the same light onto themselves the closer those two mirrors come to each other the more magnified the light becomes and the more heat it gives off.  This is of coarse what leads people to depression and anger problems, emotions and memories magnified.  The more and more it is reflected and magnified the more these thoughts begin to spill into and affect our lives. The more heat which is given off the more likely the mirror is to shatter or crack.    Unfortunately for some people the only way they can leave the mass of those memories and thoughts is for their mirror to crack which leaves some more grounded in reality and others to lose their touch with that reality altogether.

 If one can learn to take a step back from their own thoughts they can gaze at themselves from the mirror that reflects none other than themselves which is their mind and even find its cracks.  Becoming One with Oneself is being able to know that your pain is yours, and that you’re the only one who can both feel and heal that pain.  Things that numb the pain can be given, things to mask it, however only you can decide when you have had enough and choose to move past it.

In This River

Another of my friends has "faded to black  in this river in which no one comes back."  Life is so fragile, and it is so hard to come to terms with that fact that life is like swimming into an ocean, its not a matter of "if" one of your companions is going to sink into the darkness and  leave you on your journey, its a matter of how long they and you are going to be able to swim together.  There is no end to the water and the fluidity of life, there is just an innumerable number of variables which ebb in and ebb out of your life. Having someone from a gentler time in your life,someone your own age, lose the battle to the water is very disheartening especially one who seemed so untouchable to you.  A young person never thinks when they meet someone and fall in love and decide to get married that they will only have the person for a few years and then their time will be up, which was the case for my friends wife.   He had just finished college as well, was smart and a hard working person, now all that he was and all he was going to be is gone to this world.  All that is left is the memory of one who joined us in our swims and like water ebbed both in and then out of our lives as the current. "In this river all shall fade to black, In this river aint no coming back, In this river all shall fade to black."

Pardon The Flame

Lately I have had the image of a flame burning in my head, almost as if it where a video being looped over and over again, so I have decided today to try and figure out why that image is in my mind and what significance it could have.  To tackle this riddle to myself I will use categorical logic.  Very few elements need to be present for a fire to start.  A fuel source of some kind must be present (this could be anything if there is enough heat), Oxygen, and you guessed it heat. I find it intriguing that much the same things that humans need to survive are the same as fire.  This is intriguing to me because the flame is in many ways the embodiment of energy and power, in fact the only element which seems to differentiate us from it is our need for water which we need to cool us because we are basically giant batteries.     We ourselves much like a flame  give off energy which is gained by consuming things and breaking down that which bonds them together.  So we are both consumers of the physical world.
From a symbolic standpoint there is a belief that when something is burned it is cleansed which I find somewhat ironic because both the impurities and true elements are consumed together and the act of cleansing has to do with the separating of those elements much like when metals are purified by the heating and burning off of the impurities   Maybe this purifying belief has more to do with the fact that the thing being burned is being transformed into energy, in a sense potential energy or dormant energy being unleashed.  The flame itself when thought of on a candle stick can be symbol of life, or also even in another context the flame is thought to be a type of ambition.  This aspect comes from the thought of how quickly a flame if unmolested will  devour a countryside or a city block.
The Flame in its nature is unbiased and will consume all that it can indiscriminately.  Often it is only acted on by other forces that seemingly give it its will such as the wind pushing the flame making it travel in a certain direction.  Fire is a bit of an enigma in its nature in that very few things in nature on our earth have similar tendencies.
After having cataloged some of my thoughts and deducing what this Flame could mean to me and why it reoccurs in the images that roll through my mind in a day I have come to the conclusion it has to do with goals of mine that I have not been working towards.  As a flame in my mind it is an idea of mine which has yet to be distinguished especially me wanting to write my novel.  Until I get it figured out this flame will be in the back of my mind driving me crazy and now that I know why it is there it will be even more of an motivating factors.

One Man's Wine

Wine is a drink that many drink to relax, sit back, and enjoy life.  However when a little fuel is added to that wine bottle and a sulked washcloth that thing which can be used for simple comfort and joy is turned into something totally different, a Molotov Cocktail.  Such is life many of the skills and pastimes we have with a little guile or mischievousness can be turned into things that do harm to others and ourselves.  For instance' a person who enjoys playing video games can use this one act to kick back and relax making it a very healthy thing. As state before though when someone decides to start living their own lives through video-games and  shirking the duties that life calls for it becomes something more for that individual.  Even more though like the Molotov Cocktail it has a wide ranging effect and can hurt those around the person who uses it. Sadly even something as simple as a mans active imagination can be turned against them when tied to say pornography or other unhealthy fantasizing.   Many of the worlds serial killers started off in the same way simply being a person fantasizing and conjuring up these thoughts until normal life no longer held meaning or weight for them.
Unfortunately for us that suffer from the human condition life doesn't come with warning labels for everything we do. It is important for us to take a step back every now and then and come up with our own warning labels.  As I have written before intent is only half the battle, I am sure the first person to find that Alcohol was flammable didn't sit down and decide to try and start the liquid ablaze.

Clarity of Thought for Persistence in the Moment

In times of great emotion after the first initial burst of emotion there is oftentimes a period of great clarity, a moment when even your emotions which are often ignored and fleeting show you a sincerity in life you never knew existed.   It is in these moments that for a short period of time our minds, and even our very souls become malleable and that we can be reached.  These moments if you have ever had one present feelings and thoughts that will never be forgotten and will be carried with you shaping or diverting your current path into a coarse which may be millimeters apart from the physical path you where on before but will infinitely different mentally than the one you where on before.  These are often brought about by bad and heartbreaking situations such as the death of a loved one, or finding someone has an illness which will ultimately lead to their death etc.  Moments in which we are able to feel and to touch our own mortality, as if heaven or the other side is so near, yet instead of reminding us of our own impending doom it grounds us to our life and shows us what it means to be a living feeling being.  It defies all logic instead of wrapping us up in so much grief we can no longer live, it breaths feelings and life into our once docile state of being. It is sad it takes such grand and life changing events for this to happen to us, but without these moments there would be no need to hug and hold the ones you love, no point or desire to do so because it would be an only one sided coin. As usual I apologize if what I have written is hard to understand because of lack of cohesion, but I am writing from feelings inside myself which are hard to put in words or to convey to those reading, but in short the clarity of life is that our time with these loved ones in this form is finite so find what is most important for you in this life and make it the focus of your existence before  all your tomorrows are yesterdays and the contents of your heart are out of the reach of those that are in this world. The clock is ticking and the things from your life are set in motion and will never stop til it ends and it stops ticking.

  "Heaven Coming Down"

With nothing to do you'd waste away

Obscure in exile

They've witnessed the times

You've gone astray

Whose fault? now you're thinking...

Theres's nothing to prove

A message from the crowd

To the shore...

And it feels now

Just like heaven's coming down

Your soul shakes free

As its conscience hits the ground

So strange are the ways,

They all have changed

Still life it stays the same

A break from the past

Could make it last

Maybe just a little longer

There's nothing to prove

A message from the crowd

To the shore...

You surrender

Love under will

Rest assured you're adored

And it feels now

Just lie heaven's coming down

Your soul shakes free

As its conscience hits the ground

These signs, this fate

Takes a path you didn't choose

Stay Strong, Keep Faith

There is a change that's

Coming through

Hold on my love

Hold on