Catching Fireflies

The Firefly or lightning bug is a bug which glows in the darkness, with a light that comes from within. It has often been thought that fairies, willow wisps, and other magical creatures rumored to grant the catcher wishes got their origins from our superstitious ancestors seeing fireflies.  Owl City's hit single "Fireflies" draws on this belief and makes the analogy that fireflies are the dreams and imagination of children, or the "Magic" of childhood. I find this thought very illuminating(pardon the pun), for as children we have so many dreams of what our life can become with the infinite possibilities of our future. We catch a few of these "fireflies" place them in a jar and they help guide us into adulthood. 

As we get older it seems as though many of those fireflies from our past have died or moved on to greener pastures.  The magic of our childhood is spent with many if not all of those dreams having seemingly vanished and have gone extinct along with that childhood version of ourselves that dreamt  them.  We no longer sit in our basements pretending to be a movie-star or astronaut for it feels as though that ship sailed long ago.  The room goes dark for us and we sit in the darkness.

We need not sit in the darkness when all we really need to do is dream once again and find those fireflies to light up those dark places.  It is important to have these dreams of a better reality for ourselves, for that is where all of  a humans hope resides.  These dreams which spurn our hope can be caught and placed into a jar through making goals to make our future better.  So when the lights next go out and things get hard in our lives forcing us to lose our vision, we have a light to remind us of what might be in our futures which give us more of a reminder of why we brave the darkness.

The world is under the misconception that the way a person is able to become adult is through taking that dreaming child inside of them to the river behind their house and drowning them.  Just be an adult and accept things the way they are and accept your lot in life.   That may be a way of adulting, I'm just not so sure it is a healthy way of adulting.  Maybe instead of burying that piece of us in a unmarked grave that only we know where it rests, when next that child peeks around the corner of our minds we invite them to take a seat with us, we place our owns around them and feel, cry, and dream together. 

The world may be to harsh and cold to let that dreamer survive, but are we?

Prepare the Diving-Bell

The word "diving-bell" can have several meanings, the first of which is that it is a device that divers use to travel into the depths of the oceans.  Another meaning and the one I first thought of when hearing the word is the bell that is rung by Navy Seal recruits when they come up for air to denote they have "tapped out" and given up on their diving/water treading exam denoting failure. In life it can feel as though you are drowning in the depths of your own personal ocean.  Screaming for air under the water anchored to the bottom under the weight of your responsibilities, and demands placed on you by life.  At time it seems one can only receive that rest and breath through ringing the bell and tapping out of their current life.   Doesn't a person deserve a breather every now and then? Does coming up for air mean a person is damaged or less capable than others who seem to tread the water so easily?

The answer is "No" to both of the questions asked earlier.  To understand this fact a person should simply think of why they took to the ocean in the first place.  A man dives into their own personal oceans as a form of personal discovery, to see unseen things and test their mettle against the rages of their own personal nature.  Man was never meant to survive in the depths of the oceans without a vessel to attached themselves to.  It is this fact that it is against our nature to survive under water which leads us to venture there in the first place, the excitement the struggle against nature.  As a Navy Seal in training it is about growing and being able to hold their breath longer and coming up for air having accomplished a little more each time.  This overtime creates a more capable swimmer and a person more suited to the foreign environment of the ocean.

I remember watching a documentary a few years back on diving into caves dug by the ocean.  In this documentary they come across the body of the diver in a 70's style wet suit floating in the depths.  Due to the dangerous nature of the diving scenario they had undertaken they had to leave the body down there hidden in the depths for others to find.  Seeing the body in the depths didn't make the divers gloat, nor did they find it funny, but it served as a reminder to each of them how everyone risks the same thing (failure) when they take to the ocean.   Divers know there will only be so much time under the depths that they can handle before they end up becoming a part of it.

So prepare both iterations of the diving bell any time you take to the ocean.  Prepare for success and to see the depths of the ocean (and part's of yourself) that you have never seen before.  Also be prepared to ring the diving-bell, and admit to others that you are human and need the same air that everyone else does.  Personal successes and growth are all one part personal accomplishment and equal part personal failures.  If there weren't failures there would be no reason for any personal success.  No-one ever finds the colors and treasures locked deep inside their own personal oceans and lives, without braving the risk and depths of failures.

"The Cowled Crow Flies Again", Again

It has been a while since I posted anything on this blog.  Partially due to the fact that I have gone back to school, but also because I have invested my creative efforts in other things.  I have used my past blogs on this site in teaching youth in drug and alcohol treatment, and well as juveniles with anti-social thinking tendencies.  All and all the analogies that are contained in these blogs (while grammatically challenged) have proved invaluable in my teaching.  Due to this fact, I will try to continue to keep this blog updated in hopes it might help others.  If one finds themselves in an environment in which they have to teach others or a therapeutic type environment feel free to use these ideas.
I am currently in school to become a mental health counselor and I have continued to learn in this area, and most if not all of the thoughts contained are sound.  In "Heraldry" the crow is often a symbol of a counselor and of wisdom, and this keeps in line with my original purpose for writing this blog.  So here's to hoping I can continue to  keep this updated even though in some regards it is an antiquated medium lets hope other unsuspecting victims might accidentally find their way here and find something of use.  I hope all are well and all are searching or have found meaning in their lives.
   

The Darkness and Silence that Precedes it...

I recently had a video posted to my facebook wall that let darkness back into my soul, a kind of darkness that I haven't experienced in a long time.  The video was of a child(or better called a baby) about 2 years old playing outside in some Asian country when a man just walks up to the poor thing and starts stomping on the child and beating the child, this last for over 2 minutes with passers by just walking past and doing nothing.  This child was being killed by this evil individual and no one does anything.  After a few minutes someone finally chases the guy off and the child is rushed to the hospital where I am imagining it died (I don't see how it could have survived the beating).

This disturbing video brought me to tears and made me wish I could have been there to kill the guy who did it and to help save the child.  Worse yet I could not get the scene out of my mind and it kept repeating itself over and over again in my mind.  An innocent child doing what children do comes into contact with something so evil that just shatters the beauty and promise of that child.  I thought at first it disturbed me most because of the fact that I have an Asian wife and my children are half Asian and the parallels with my own children. Now that there is some distance between myself and the emotions I was feeling I found the real reason the darkness would not leave me.

Some years ago I was a Missionary and me and the another Missionary were out walking in a neighborhood at dusk when we came across a stray puppy.  It was a little black lab puppy so we picked it up and took it to the closest couple of homes asking if it was their dog.  After a few houses we found the house it belonged to and we left it (or so we thought) it kept following us.   No matter how hard we tried it wouldn't return home and it had caught up to us about a quarter of a mile away from the home so we decided to start walking it back.  After about 5 minutes of walking when a jacked up beater truck came barreling out way.   The truck nearly hit me and my companion we managed to get out of the way but the little puppy did not.  It gasped for breath, its broken body shattered as it gasped to breath its last breaths, this once beautiful creature reduced to nothing but a broken shell dead on the concrete.  As we crowded in to look at it in shock the driver hopped out of his car reeking of alcohol and worried that he had hit someone.  We pulled the now dead puppy to the side of the road and went and told the owners. 

That scene was a domino that tripped a series of others events that would lead to my eventual for lack of a better description psychotic break, a break caused by the depths of depression.  Something about being an Missionary trying to help people escape from evil, and having something so pure and beautiful as a puppy just destroyed by someones evil actions just wrecked all naivety I had and taught me how truly evil the world is that we live in.   It is this dark finger that crept back in after watching the video, the evil and darkness that pulled me back to the mindset I had clawed myself out of all those years earlier.

It was in the suffering and pain I was feeling that I found something, something I would never have found otherwise.  I won't go into to much of particulars about it but I was with my family and still feeling the brunt of the feelings I had from the video.  The day before  I had watched a documentary at my job about quantum physics/ mechanics and we went to watch Kung Fu Panda III( I know how silly that sounds)at the theater. It was there that it happened in pondering about the three things combined in that theater it happened.  In a moment of clarity it was as if the veil was pushed back and I saw the threads of the universe and how they were all connected and how God factors into all of it.  I found tears flowing down my cheek now this time for a different reason, this time because of the beauty of what I saw the hands of God, the purpose in full, I was taught things which  I will not write here, nor am I sure that I could explain them in a way that they would make sense to anyone else. 

I write this not to teach of the things I saw but of the how it came about, and how I had to fight with that evil, inner darkness, and torment to lead me to that moment to that plane of conscientiousness in which I learned things that will forever changed my life.  I know everyone experiences the darkness, the voices which don't leave you alone in the silence.  As me those of you going through it would wonder why me? why must I endure these things? Maybe your not just enduring these things your just experiencing such darkness because of the brightness of the clarity that follows.  

   

Building Spirit House

Why build a Spirit House?

A spirit house is a relaxation/meditative exercise which help calm and focus the individual who chooses to.  Its application is primarily to help a person maintain a calm temperament while oftentimes combating insomnia or difficult sleep.  Once a person has mastered accessing and maintaining their Spirit House their interaction within its pallet can be deciphered and analyzed to help a person find problems which face them in the everyday life. 

1.     Establish a Zone of Focus.

There are two ways to gain the focus needed to do a spirit house one being Focus Meditation the other being vivid visualization.  Focus Meditation is the easier of the two to ensure you have established the proper focus.  When Doing Focus Meditation once outside distractions and thoughts are centered you have established the proper focus and you may proceed.  If you are an individual who can Achieve Vivid Visualization you can also get and maintain the focus from the focusing on simple thoughts or images in your mind that outside stimulus no longer draws you out.

Ground Rules:  The best way to meditate is finding your best time.  When are you less likely to be interrupted by outside distractions? Many people find that this is either before bed or right when you wake up.  Being able to achieve focus is paramount for this exercise and it is a skill not an inborn talent, it takes time so it is recommended that you practice meditation for a few weeks before you take your Spirit House Journey.

2.     How To Know You’re in the Zone.

One achieves a Zone of focus when outside distractions no longer distract the individual from thought.  This process can take anywhere from a couple of minutes to even hours depending on the circumstances and how practiced the individual trying to achieve it is. When in the Zone you receive tunnel vision you stop having to put effort to blank your mind or in the case of Visualization achieve the un-tempered vision. For instance if one is in the Zone a distraction could arise and do nothing to pull the individual from his center or whatever thought or vision he has is having.

3.     Finding Your Spirit House.

After finding your focus you begin the visualization.  You will first need to visualize your idea of what the most relaxing beautiful place you can think of.  Think of specific senses what does it smell like, what’s the temperature, etc.  Try to stimulate each of your senses in the area.  After you have a good grasp of what your relaxing area you are ready to find your spirit house.  It will be somewhere in this relaxing place as you begin to explore you will come across it first begin at a distance taking steps forward slowly as long as the house is in focus take a step forward.  If for whatever reason you can’t visualize details stop and focus on the house until it comes back into focus.  If you have ventured the while and are unable to find it you may need to build one or try to visualize a new area there are several different ways to go about it try what your most comfortable with.  Another thing you need to keep telling yourself ”this house is me”  more often than not it ends up being a “distressed” house rundown or appears vacant.  Because of this one of you first orders of business will be to fix or repair portions which are in need of repair.  Another thing that helps is to use natural laws while this in this land anything can be possible it is important to ground it in reality to make to feel more “real” to you. 

As you get to you house notice the door is it open? What is the state of the house? Be cautious as you approach try the door if it’s locked you will have to find a way in.  If it’s wide open it is inviting you in and you should take a look.    Congratulations you have arrived at the beginning of your spirit house journey now is the time to view Ground Rules for your spirit house.

4.     Time at Your Spirit House.

Ground Rules (Important)

While at your spirit house it is important to remember that while anything is possible in this realm it is important not to be playing with symbols.   For instance much like the real world one should not play with fire both metaphorically and literally.  Maintain your foot in the real for this to work it must reflect what your subconscious views as you so don’t be placing things that don’t belong.  The more time you spend at your Spirit house you will realize that it will set ground rules for you.  There will be doors that won’t open, parts of the house which lack focus and you must help build or focus into existence etc.  You will begin to realize that whole place has certain rules which it wants you to abide by.  For instance if you come to a locked door you shouldn’t just try to break it down but look around for a key each and every aspect of the house like this under which you have no control don’t force your will onto it let it come naturally.  It will also let you know what task it wants you to fulfill first.  These tasks will be symbolic of things in your life that need to be done, or commented on.  Sometimes to further your progression in your spirit house you may need to do things in the real world, one can never be fully certain. 

Another important point to be brought to focus is one should find a point within the house once they make it in to be your access point to your spirit house.  For instance mine was the chair in front of the fireplace that is the place or part of the house I would visualize to regain access to my house.  That view from my chair in front of the fire place was my focal point and what I would bring into focus to gain access to the house.  Once you have got you vision back you can go back to exploring your house or doing your chores.   Don’t be surprised if when you come back to your house you find something new waiting for you.  Take note of these and remember them so when you finish you can write them down. 

5.     Maintaining your focus.

The best way to stay attached in your Spirit House and to make it an enjoyable affair is to live in the moment.  Treat it like a dream don’t force it or analyze it just let your interactions come natural.  Try not to stress about a door not opening or the spiders that have infested it that is all something you can do once you leave your house.  When you feel yourself drifting go back to menial tasks to keep you present.  For instance my roof had a leaking problem so I would spend long periods of time thatching the roof.  I don’t know what it was about that activity but it relaxed me in very deeps ways while also reinforcing my vision of my spirit house.   Remember the first and most important aspect of the spirit house if for it to be a relaxing activity for you.

6.     Keeping a Spirit House Journal

The Spirit house Journal is very important because it is a way for you to catalog what happens in the house and chronicle it in the real world.  It also provides a platform for you to problems solve with things that arise in your spirit house, how should I rid my house of the ant infestation, what’s the proper way to fix this creaking chair, etc.  and you can take it back and be better prepared the next time.  This journal is also a way to think of symbolism and the parallels they make to your waking life.  The emotions you feel in the world and symbols along with the emotions all have real world applications.  For instance why is it spiders infesting my house instead of some other animal.  Why can’t I stop thatching my roof? What comments are being made about my waking life? etc,

 These are the basics good luck with your spirit house journey! Enjoy!

Finding Spirit House

Several years back I stumbled upon something amazing, a form of meditation that combines the relaxing focus of meditation while enter-twining dream analysis/ vivid visualization.  I say stumbled upon because it was literally something that just happened due to the circumstances of my life. In writing this down I hope that it can benefit others as it has benefited me and help me make it through some tough times in my life.
To better understand the concept of Spirit House one must understand some of the circumstances of my life at the time it showed itself to me.  At the time I was doing my first and second year of college studying psychology and I had just gotten a very stressful job (working with anti-social teens).  My wife and I were expecting and finances were low, in so much that we were using my student loans to pay to bills.  To not go into too great detail I will just say it was one of the most stressful times of my life.
It was during this time that I was practicing some focus meditation which I had just learned and I had found that it was most helpful before bed.  I was also spending most of my mental journey writing a fantasy novel I had been dreaming up for years.  Because of my work an the many stresses I had, I had high anxiety levels and had troubles falling to sleep at night.  To help with that I would do some focus meditation and then after I had felt in more of a state of calm I began dreaming up the fantasy world of my book.  This did a little to help me with my stress it was when I got to specific part of my book that it happened.
In my book  I had a character which I mirrored after myself and I had gotten to a point in the book that he had come across a derelict house in the woods that he was going to claim as his own.  I would imagine myself as this alter ego of myself and set about the process of acquiring said house and making it my own.  It was in doing this starting with the focus meditation I found a great state of relaxation.  Every night when I got home I would do the same thing and though I had figured out that portion of the story I felt myself drawn back to this cabin in the woods.  In so doing I found I slept better and my stress levels began subsiding more as well.
I never understood what was so appealing about me going back to this house every night and why i felt so drawn to it, I just knew it worked it helped me sleep at night and helped with my stress.  It wasn't until I started taking a class about dream theory that I realized the full significance of what was happening. If one knows how dreams work, they are basically one being able to see to processes of the mind de-fragmenting itself and storing its thought and memories in their proper place and it does so through symbolism a symbol, within a symbol, within a symbol. I came to the realization that the house in my dreamlike meditation and visualization was in fact me, and my mind was commenting on my own life through the different chores and things I experienced while I was visiting there before sleep.
This may seem silly, or like I am up in the night, however through analyzing the different scenes and things that happened in this dream world I have found that my life itself and followed the lines which were revealed to me in this meditative state.  Something I had first used as a form of coping and stress relief in my life had in fact turned into something more deep and meaningful than I had thought it would and I attribute much of my current mental health to that process and what it did for me.  Through building my spirit house my life and my emotions seam to all come into balance.

To Fall Off the Worlds Edge

  There comes a moment in your life where one feels they have traveled to the edge of their known universe.  In scientific theory the universe is continually expanding and receding only to expand past its original limits and to recede to its previous limits in a series of explosions and and implosions.  Our own personal universes don't seem to always replicate those found in nature for there comes times in life where you feel the once permeable surface of your divine potential feel as though they have solidified and your upward trending potential seems replaced by a ceiling or mantle in which one most fit their lives and dreams.  At this point in your life you begin to see how finite your time on this planet will be and how your cannot achieve every goal or ambition you have in your life.
   It is in these times that that old familiar call of depression calls me back along the known paths of life to see if their is anything I have missed along my journey thus making lose the scent of the new trail which leads forward.  The crack or plant you have never noticed on the daily trips of your journey which focused on leads to a new understanding and wonder in a life stuck in ones known universe.  Looking for an escape from this path I feel tethered too my universe begins to turn dark, and leads me to waiting to fall off my worlds edge.  Will there be a new experience for me, a new feeling to define, a new thought to enlighten, or am I just to tread on paths which I have already tread experiencing things I have already experienced.

   As an old European explorer is that where my map ends and there is nothing outside of that but to fall off the edge or to be gobbled up by the dragons and demons which keep any from progressing further than that point.  What will be the explosion to jar these trapped universes free to expand and implode the change that a mind can match its wits with and grow all the more stronger.  One thing is certain for me I will be looking for those new horizons or unexplored ends of the existing universe.  Hopefully then the universe and existence decides to expand once again for me leaving cracks for some new dreams to seep through and save me from being left to my own devices