The Demons One Battles

Life is a fecal  thing, I have always gone through life looking for my place and what fate has in store for me hoping maybe that one day something would just hit me in the face and give the once mundane meaning, the once ordinary significance.  The more time that passes the more I have begun to think that life has a way of forcing your hand, and pushes you towards the demons and confrontations you so often try to run from.  In my life I have battled many demons both mighty and small and the more I face them it seems the stronger they become, and the more time goes on without those demons giving way to me the more likely I am to say to myself its not worth it.
It is very strange I have as I've said in the past always loved to delve into the cerebral and have always felt that my life always has meaning when there are some kind of puzzles to figure out, some riddle to both write and solve.  This however in my own mind seemed to be the driving force behind me thinking that would be my path and admittedly I always thought that is what made me unique.  Now I find that that life, fate, God, or whatever you want to call it has shown me that I was looking at the picture and not the hand that was creating it.  My need for riddles does not simply stem from my overactive mind needing stimulation, nor is it my curiosity and need to know the reason why, though they are part of my character and big portions of the underlying problem, they are not the hand or driving force behind it.
The underlying problem is my need for conflict and my need for battle as it were that fuels this flame which is such a big part of me.  When I worked in the Juvenile detention center I felt so full of life and as if I were making a difference in the world and had feelings of fulfillment helping them solve their own personal riddles.  There I helped those that I worked with do battle with there demons with themselves, with the demon that is themselves and with what makes them feel as demons in the first place.  In so doing as many warriors find I found that I was in many ways no different than those demons I faced,  For what I am to them they are to me, and what there nature is in this world is me.  Since I have left and since I have finished school I have been as a warrior with no war and one can only sit and sharpen their sword for so long until they lose their purpose and their will to fight.    For after all is a warrior without a war still a warrior?
Therein Lies the Paradigm in my or our battles with our own personal demons whether they be something tangible or something intangible  we are given our purpose which is to fight the demons.  When we back off and say I am tired of this battle, lets have some tea and crumpets we grow fat and tired and forget why we went to battle in the first place.  In so doing we lose our purpose, ourselves, and what we were "fighting" for.  This has become true to me in both a metaphorical sense and a literal one.